BOTC - US Lacrosse Community Forum Forums MID-ATLANTIC LACROSSE MARYLAND FORUM Holdbacks

holdback parents want it both ways.
They held back their kid for “academic issues.” But they are “not academically challenged.”

😂

Which is it?

All parents should want kids to play by birth year. There is NOTHING to lose for moving back to birth year.

THE GAME GETS SAFER AND MORE COMPETITIVE.

If the holdback kids are good enough, they will dominate against kids their own age. And they will be allowed to “play up” if they want to be challenged.

Age based just means no more potential 2 year age gaps allowed and safety concerns.

There is NO good reason to play grade based.

Here is your answer and I am sure you will have another snarky response, but what the heck.

For whatever reason, when they do reclass, it usually happens at the same time as switching to a private school with mostly a new set of friends, some of which are in the exact same reclass circumstance that their new and old friends may or may not know about or care about. So any embarrassment potentially incurred is not nearly what you make it seem.

I am sure the convo with the kid is a mix of physical and academic reasoning that is likely supported by some medical and educational specialists that add well reasoned cases to validate the decision. I am sure everyone is onboard and they then move on.

The reality of it all is that hopefully, and I’d bet most often, the reasons are well intended to help that kid develop into a healthy, confident, and one day independent young person. This despite what you may believe or how it may put your kid on an uneven “age” playing field.

And no, I don’t have a reclass or holdback kid. But certainly do believe that if someone does, they have a good reason aside from sport. So stop trashing them as I am sure they made the decision with heavy thought, eyes wide open, and all onboard.

It’s done for one reason and we all know what it is.

Here is your answer and I am sure you will have another snarky response, but what the heck.

For whatever reason, when they do reclass, it usually happens at the same time as switching to a private school with mostly a new set of friends, some of which are in the exact same reclass circumstance that their new and old friends may or may not know about or care about. So any embarrassment potentially incurred is not nearly what you make it seem.

I am sure the convo with the kid is a mix of physical and academic reasoning that is likely supported by some medical and educational specialists that add well reasoned cases to validate the decision. I am sure everyone is onboard and they then move on.

The reality of it all is that hopefully, and I’d bet most often, the reasons are well intended to help that kid develop into a healthy, confident, and one day independent young person. This despite what you may believe or how it may put your kid on an uneven “age” playing field.

And no, I don’t have a reclass or holdback kid. But certainly do believe that if someone does, they have a good reason aside from sport. So stop trashing them as I am sure they made the decision with heavy thought, eyes wide open, and all onboard.

I wonder how many of the kids bust out in tears and tell the parents how embarrassing this is going to be? My son would be mortified. He would think he was a slow poke physically and mentally.

Sounds like many of you should go and play soccer if you're scared of little Johnny get hurt

Exactly, to give my kid a leg up in life over yours!

You failed your kid because you haven’t used the “rules” to his advantage.

Heck, I just decided to reclass my kid again to guarantee my kid takes your kid’s high school and college roster spots, and there is nothing you can to do about it. 🥲

That’s right, stink it up. While I laugh at how slow you are, my kid is getting all the accolades (academic and athletic) and will get a full ride scholarship to a top school.

Then, my kid is going to land the best job on Wall Street while your kid will be saying that life is just not fair, and the cycle continues in your family tree.

You’re failing your kid and you are failing at life. I am the father figure you never had and this is your wake up call.

It’s time for you to break the failure cycle in your family tree. Reclass your kid today and reap all life’s rewards or your kid will suffer your same fate!

We do. Unlike Johnny holdback, our on-age kids DO play soccer TOO...in addition to lacrosse, and wrestle.

Because they are REAL athletes, not single-sport hold-backs playing against younger kids.

The hold back parents have no clue why their sons eventually get cut from JV lax as Sophs.

This under the premise that my kid can’t compete on age. Wrong fool, you are clueless.

My kid is best on age and dominates on grade. Your kid is losing playing time to my kid. And by the way, your kid dropped in academic class ranking to my kid too.

Don’t convince yourself you’re holier than thou! Reclass immediately, before it’s too late. Don’t fail your kid as you have failed in life. Break your family tree cycle of complaining and go reap life’s rewards with a leg up.

This under the premise that my kid can’t compete on age. Wrong fool, you are clueless.

My kid is best on age and dominates on grade. Your kid is losing playing time to my kid. And by the way, your kid dropped in academic class ranking to my kid too.

Don’t convince yourself you’re holier than thou! Reclass immediately, before it’s too late. Don’t fail your kid as you have failed in life. Break your family tree cycle of complaining and go reap life’s rewards with a leg up.

Hey Johny
What's up Dad
Umm, You're going to be going to the same grade next year and not with your friends.
But dad why. I want to stay with my friends and school and everything I know. Why. I don't want to.
Because you're not as good at lacrosse as mom and I need you to be to impress our friends

I often do wonder how that conversation goes. Feel bad for these kids who are told in middle school they are being held back, even worse for the ones that remain in the same school and are held back. Those parents are the worst, the ones whose kids don’t agree with the decision.

Hey Johny
What's up Dad
Umm, You're going to be going to the same grade next year and not with your friends.
But dad why. I want to stay with my friends and school and everything I know. Why. I don't want to.
Because you're not as good at lacrosse as mom and I need you to be to impress our friends

Hey Dad
What's up Johnny
Thank you for being successful so you could send me to private school and I can not only make new friends but also keep my local friends because they don't care that I am a hold back.
No problem son
Also, I just got into an (Fill in blank Ivy league or top 25 academic school regardless if D1 or DIII) because of lacrosse whereas before I would not have gotten into the school.
Wow that's great son but I am sure when you are applying for a job and are older people will say you are a holdback.
No dad, that will never happen but one day there might be be jealous parents commenting in a message forum that will have zero impact on my life after I receive my amazing education and play lacrosse in college.
Father and son laughing together

It's a really simple conversation and requires no words spoken at all. Just have three pictures, one of a crabs helmet, one of Pat Spencer and one of the Tewaaraton.

I wonder how many of the kids bust out in tears and tell the parents how embarrassing this is going to be? My son would be mortified. He would think he was a slow poke physically and mentally.

☝🏻

Or, he would love the private school he ends up going to! You ever see some of those places!? Like going to school at a country club! Pretty sweet! Oh yeah, and the education and sports pretty good too! Probably end up in a top college playing the sport he loves.

If you need to hold your special needs child back to go to private school, I wouldn't stretch too hard to pat yourself on the back. By that measure my son who is on age and in private school is just better then your kid. I didn't know private school was the barometer of success, but I guess kudos to us that didn't hold back. I would focus on where you and Mom failed him prior so he doesn't fall even further behind the kids he can't compete with on the field or in the classroom. Don't need to go all double hold back now for Slowey McPoke Child.

What a shocker that the wealthy privileged have advantages in life.

Not a shocker. But, it shouldn’t play a role so early in youth sports. USL could take the early advantage away. Make it not an advantage to do the holdback thing in the youth years. But wait… is it wealthy privilege people running it? And… Don’t care to see that advantage changed??

This is by far my favorite thread on this site…”holdbacks” where the high and mighty purists of the age appropriate debate the morally bankrupt from the “reclassified”. I’ll fill you guys in on a little secret, this phenomenon is prevalent in many other sports, not just lax “Bro”. But I’ve never heard people itch and moan about it nearly as much as I do in this sport. I have 3 boys, all are 3 sport athletes so we see it everywhere, 2 of the 3 we held back in pre-K before we even knew what sports they’d play or even considered any advantage it would give them. Does that make me more or less of a laxer than a parent that holds a kid back in 5th or 6th grade? Either way it comes down to this, do it or don’t but know that no one cares about your ethics or justifications. Both arguments are not a good look and you most likely come off as a tremendous “wussy”

Doesn't make you more of a laxer, just means you have slow children. Most likely genetic. Good on you for attempting to end the cycle of mediocrity in your family by letting your kids have an extra year. You're one the parents who understand his kid can't succeed without it and needs help.

This is by far my favorite thread on this site…”holdbacks” where the high and mighty purists of the age appropriate debate the morally bankrupt from the “reclassified”. I’ll fill you guys in on a little secret, this phenomenon is prevalent in many other sports, not just lax “Bro”. But I’ve never heard people itch and moan about it nearly as much as I do in this sport. I have 3 boys, all are 3 sport athletes so we see it everywhere, 2 of the 3 we held back in pre-K before we even knew what sports they’d play or even considered any advantage it would give them. Does that make me more or less of a laxer than a parent that holds a kid back in 5th or 6th grade? Either way it comes down to this, do it or don’t but know that no one cares about your ethics or justifications. Both arguments are not a good look and you most likely come off as a tremendous “wussy”

Explain what’s wrong with a holdback and why do you think some kids would be against it. Get to go to a beautiful campus with exceptional athletic facilities, get an excellent education that will enhance your opportunities for college. BTW no kid is embarrassed to be held back for a sport. To the kid it’s a real honor to be asked to be held back in order to go to an excellent school and play for an elite High School program.

Whatever helps you sleep at night. This is getting sad. There are on age public high school kids at Ivey's now. Your son will catch up I promise. Special needs programs have come a long way.

This is by far my favorite thread on this site…”holdbacks” where the high and mighty purists of the age appropriate debate the morally bankrupt from the “reclassified”. I’ll fill you guys in on a little secret, this phenomenon is prevalent in many other sports, not just lax “Bro”. But I’ve never heard people itch and moan about it nearly as much as I do in this sport. I have 3 boys, all are 3 sport athletes so we see it everywhere, 2 of the 3 we held back in pre-K before we even knew what sports they’d play or even considered any advantage it would give them. Does that make me more or less of a laxer than a parent that holds a kid back in 5th or 6th grade? Either way it comes down to this, do it or don’t but know that no one cares about your ethics or justifications. Both arguments are not a good look and you most likely come off as a tremendous “wussy”

Explain what’s wrong with a holdback and why do you think some kids would be against it. Get to go to a beautiful campus with exceptional athletic facilities, get an excellent education that will enhance your opportunities for college. BTW no kid is embarrassed to be held back for a sport. To the kid it’s a real honor to be asked to be held back in order to go to an excellent school and play for an elite High School program.

Name a few youth sports besides lacrosse that let you play down in age??? Even all Howard County HOCO sports leagues are age based except ....drum roll, HOCO Lacrosse , LOL

Lacrosse is at an epidemic level with holdbacks. At one time it was mainly a private school secret and only effected other private school playing each other. Coaches of all MIAA schools held their sons back as did many parents for various reasons. Frankly no one cared as youth lacrosse was aged based and private holdbacks/prefirst played their age.

The only " wussy " is people like you who want their children to get an advantage other children dont get that are born on same day as your children, Actually pretty sad.

Yep, just make it the full 12 month calendar year and not a 9/1 cut off. If you are born in 2005, then your a 2024, etc.

My son is generally the smallest kid on the field at every lacrosse game. He plays "up" at the 2027 level since he started playing club lacrosse at 8 years old. He plays with the same core group of kids on a mixed 2027-2028 team at A and sometimes AA level. Half of our 2027 team is 2028's and I personally know we have never had a single holdback on our squad. When we show up to some of these tourneys it is sickening to see how common it has become to have a team chock full of kids that have been held back or are just blatantly playing down. I know some kids grow faster then others but you should not have a team full of kids who all belong in guiness book of world records for their age/size. I think it would be a HUGE SUCCESS to have a tourney (other then WSYL) where teams or individual players can come and finally play against kids their own age with some simple age verification like we do here in Pa. for every other sport. I think a great place to start would be a tourney similar to the PLL/APEX event where players would be placed based on date of birth instead of the "Maryland grade system".